The Benefits from Allowing Others to Help
We all need help from time to time, but why is it hard to ask for what we want or need? Do you worry that someone will laugh at you, get angry, or shrug off your request in a way that says he or she doesn’t care? Are you concerned that you will seem weak or inadequate? Many people pride themselves on being independent and think they should be able to do everything on their own. The fact is, no one can take on this world alone. Unfortunately, the fear of asking for help is often strong and can work against you.
The Wellbeing Connection
An important part of social wellbeing is having connections with others. These connections — with family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and others–can be a source of social support when you need it. When you have a strong social network, you have more people to turn to during a time of need—and you might be able to help them in return.
Defining Help
“Help” can take on many forms. For example, do you need:
- Help with a project or task at work?
- Practical support at home, with chores or childcare?
- Temporary support due to a specific situation (e.g., your car broke down and you need a ride to work until it’s fixed)?
- Someone to listen to or support you?
- Professional support with a specific task (filing your taxes, fixing a plumbing leak, etc.)?
- Something else?
Knowing the type of support you need can help you figure out who to ask–a family member, friend, neighbor, co-worker, or a professional.
How to Ask for Help
When you’re ready, try these tips to ask for the help you need:
- Identify the problem. What kind of help do you need? What are you asking the other person to do?
- Make a list of individuals you can ask for help. Are there people who have offered to help out with certain things in the past? If so, include them.
- Choose who you’ll ask, and then reach out.
- Use an I-message to explain what you are feeling, followed by your request. For example:
- “I need to be up early tomorrow for work. Can you take care of getting the kids to bed?”
- “I am confused about something on this project. Could we meet today to talk about it?”
- “I am getting ready to quit smoking and really need someone to talk to when things get tough. Would you be willing to listen?”
- Be specific. Some requests are straight forward, but in other cases, you may need to define what “help” means to you. For example, if you want a friend to check in with you as you make lifestyle changes, explain how they can help. Sometimes people mean well but try to help a little too much, so by talking through the details of what you need up front, you can feel good about getting the help you need and the other person can feel good about providing it.
- Show your appreciation. A simple “thank you” can go a long way. Many people will be willing to help again in the future if they know it made a difference for you!
When asking for help, make sure you’re making requests, not demands, of people. Demands and threats that often go with them are aggressive and can hurt your connections with others.
Ask Away
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Most people are happy to jump in and support others—in fact, helping others and volunteering have been linked to positive feelings, often called a “helper’s high.” In addition, be willing to return the favor when you can. In many cases, you and those around you can benefit from positive social connections and helping relationships!
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*This information is intended for educational purposes only and should not be interpreted as medical or financial advice. Please consult your doctor for advice about changes that may affect your health. | © 2024 Health Fitness Corporation